This is going to be a rather hard blog post to write for me. Because what I used to have in my Heart, har diminished. And I am not yet sure of how to get it back. Do You remember that I wrote about my experience with Psilocybin? That is what unlocked all of that Heart power within me, and it stayed with me for such a long time. Sadly, I have a diagnosis called schizophrenia, and I had been off my medications for a time, and I was doing great. But after I had started drinking Lionsmane, I began to sense things. Like, becoming more and more sensitive, and then, my paranoia came creepin up on me. It got really bad, and I had to become hospitalized. I started on my medications again. Which was quite the downfall for me, since I had been doing so great for that time I was without them. The medications dampened my Heart. And I then did not want to take them anymore. It was not so dampened that I could not feel anything. But dampened it was. I decided to have another mushroom trip, to try to get back to myself. Back to my Heart. And I did it. What happened was that the second mushroom trip was one of the mind. And somehow, that dampened my Heart even further. Im still glad I had the second trip. because I got to meet some very interesting and friendly beings. But I will not have the last one, until I am sertain that that is what I need to do.
So, now I am on medications, I dont like it but they are in fact helping my brain. The medications have not taken away my clearaudient abilities, for that I am glad. Because I have grown quite fond of many of the beings I have gotten the chance to know. And it would bring me great sadness if I were never to speak to them again. So, so is that. Im medicated and dont have that Heart energy. But do You know what. Its okay. I know what lies beneath those layers of sealent, regarding my Heart. And with a cup of Cacao, I can still feel that gentleness of all that Love that I have within. I know its there. I know that is what I truly am. I made this affirmation once. Which is so me, that I dont even know why I had forgotten about it a time back. But I just remembered, and please, use it as You wish, as long as it is of a Kind Heart. My Heart is my compass, Guiding me towards my highest light. Follow Your Heart. And that is how I move forward from now on. Not that I havent before, but I was just reminded of it. And I will listen to it. To myself. As my own Heart. Because that is exactley what I have now. Gentleness in my Heart. And I am going to appreciate it for as long as I live. Hoping to reconnect with that powerful Heart, sometimes. As a reminder of what lies within me, an all of You.
With Unconditional Love and Gratitude
Elisabeth Hjerte
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